BRUNCH
I should know better by now than to think difficult times get any easier... no, they hurt just the same.
But what does get easier is holding myself to a human standard rather than a perfect one. It gets easier to allow myself to hit a wall, lie down next to it for as long as I need to, and then, when I'm ready, pick myself up and climb on over.
Love is patient. Love is kind. Make sure your loving yourself that way this Valentine and every other day of the year.
I was going to do the #10yearchallenge with this picture but then I realized that there was nothing wrong with what I looked like ten years ago. 10-year-old me was who she was supposed to be at that age: a child. She wasn't meant to look like the womxn I am today, she hadn't lived the years and, actually, she almost decided not to.
So instead, I'm going to thank little Jacquie for deciding to wake up everyday for the last 10 years so that I can look back on what I've achieved, the lessons I've learned, the people I've loved, the memories I've made, the laughs that have left me breathless, the tears I've been brave enough to cry and the beautiful souls that have been there to help me rise again and again.
Thank you to who I was 10 years ago, I wouldn't be here without you. ❤
🦇I'M BATWOMXN🦇
My strength is as precious as my fragility. My power is as exquisite as my vulnerability.
It's a never ending journey... learning to be more than okay with who we are, both on a surface level and into the depths of ourselves.
But hey, I'm the kind of person who can reference her favorite comic book hero and talk about self-acceptance in the same post... humans are like onions ;)
You might think my legs are crossed to be proper... but really I'm trying to hide the awful bruise on my right leg 😂. This night didn't go quite as planned but the company made it one to remember! A wonderful reminder that if the right people are in your life the smiles and laughs will always outweigh the tears. 🖤
Poor lighting actually produced some pretty cool images when I filmed my most recent practice. This is what my space usually looks like when I'm trying to unwind and relax.
I found a lot of solace in darkness when I was younger. Being alone, quiet, serious, sad, unexcited, and in pain have long been sources of inspiration, encouragment and creativity for me. I know that sounds weird but I write the poetry I'm most proud of when I'm sad or in emotional distress, I'm the most imaginative when I'm alone, and I'm the most confident in myself when I remember all the negativity and the painful times I've fought through.
But that's not really healthy and early last year I learned I was hindering my own happiness and joy because, for one reason or another, I was closed off to them. I tend to be a pessimistic person so when I think of good times and good people I usually protect myself by thinking they're too good to be true... I've worked on that and I'm still working.
I think I'll always have thick skin and a protective layer but it's just a matter of turning the walls I built when I was a child into healthy boundaries that will better serve me. Afterall, love can't force it's way in.
"You should smile more"... I owe you NOTHING.
The majority of womxn have been told this throughout their lives. Since being brooding, or serious, or angry, or simply not smiling because we don't presently have a reason to... isn't a "good look" on us apparently.
I'm not here to fulfill anyone's idea of what looks pretty on a feminine face.
I'm here to serve lewks not smiles. #restingbitchface
🔮 PROGRESS 🔮
So much has changed between these two photos and I'm not just talking about the fact that I chopped most of my hair off. ✂️ My yoga practice has evolved into something all my own and my flexibility in king pigeon pose (boss name, I know) has obviously progressed a lot since 2016.
But some serious metamorphosis has also happened between the girl in the black and white photo and the womxn in full color.
Physically, I'm in the best health I've ever been in in my life and the most comfortable, lush and powerful I've ever felt in my own skin. I've lost 20 lbs in the last two years, the first half from pure stress and malnutrition, and the second from becoming hyperaware of what my body needed from me. (I also really want to be that grandma who can still do an arm balance and travel while my kids are busy raising their teenagers 😜) But a lot of shadow work happened between the two pictures, too. I went to therapy for the first time, I uttered things allowed that I had kept hidden and buried for years, I realized my sarcasm and teasing were defense mechanisms, and I'm still in the process of learning to trust others with my heart and understanding that vulnerability is what allows us to connect with one another.
Only time will tell what progress is waiting for me, mind, body and soul, in 2019, but I'm definitely looking forward to some more fun and play. 💋
I wasn't put on this earth to hate my body and criticize my face until the day I die... so I'm going to love myself instead because I am enough. #2019mood
Winter break barely started but I'm already panicking over how fast it feels like it's going by... But that's time for you. Slows down when you want to move on; speeds up when you want to savor the moment. 🙃
